I’ve been feeling particularly reflective lately. Looking back at decisions made, paths taken, wondering if it was the right thing to do. Not that it really matters because what’s done is done, and there’s not really anything I can do to change it. But you know, there’s always that “what if” in the back of my head. Just a thought.
I was listening to the radio on my way to work this morning, and there was some British relationship expert (or something) talking. I wish I could remember what his name was or what his credentials were, but something he said kind of struck me. He said, “You can be with someone for three years and then break up and not really think twice about it, or you can be with someone for three months and break up and be completely devastated. It’s not really about the loss of the person or the relationship so much, but about the loss of the perceived future with that person.” I thought it was frighteningly spot on and I couldn’t stop thinking about it all day.
Speaking of work, I was totally late for work this morning, and all because of some really random dream I had. I was with friends at this British pub called The Olde Ship, and then I left for a minute. When I came back, all my family AND my high school youth pastor (now my neighbor) and his family were sitting with my friends. Which isn’t really weird, except they wouldn’t let me sit with my friends again and made me sit on the opposite end of the table. And my friend was trying to get my attention, but he couldn’t, so he had to send me a text message. And then I woke up as I was trying to read the message in my dream, so I have no idea what it was going to say. Thoughts? Needless to say, I left at least 15-20 minutes later than I should have (which is usually 5-10 minutes later than I probably should). And surprisingly, was less than 30 minutes late to work. It was a small miracle. Not that it mattered because my boss didn’t come in at all today.
It’s a four-day weekend this weekend, praise Jesus. And in the spirit of Thanksgiving, I am thankful that in the recent So Cal fires, our house wasn’t affected. We were evacuated two weeks ago, and it was the most frightening experience I think I’ve been through. I think it was mostly just stressful because I was responsible for getting all the important papers, and the dog, and making sure everything was shut up, and that my siblings got all their stuff out too. They’re old enough to take care of themselves, but I’m still their big sister. I worry. And my parents were out of town – that did not help with the stress levels. It came close – really close – but we were spared the heartache that so many families in my town are dealing with.
Realistically, it’s just things that can be replaced. No lives were lost in any of the So Cal fires, and there were a lot going on at once. But still, that displacement and unsure future would be so hard to deal with. How much would I have to rely on my Savior to get me through? It’s unfathomable on one level, and yet that is how we should live our lives each day. It’s kind of a kick in the head, really. As a Christian, I should be able to give up everything I own, leave it behind, and follow Jesus wherever He leads. And if that led to my home and belongings and everything I own being destroyed in a fire, then so be it. Not that it wouldn’t suck, that’s a given. But could I just rest in the knowledge that God would, could, and will, provide my every need? Need being the key word… that’s a hard thought to wrestle with.
